Academia: the Last Refuge of the Coward

CowardlyAcademe: Hey, thanks for taking the time to meet with me. I really need an advisor for my dissertation. What are you doing for the next couple of years?

Professor: No. You're not really working in my area of expertise.

CowardlyAcademe: Oh. Okay, well -

Professor: Also, your idea for proposal is really interesting, but you can't write it. You should have talked to someone before you started.

CowardlyAcademe: Um. Oh?

Professor: It's too narrow and not good for employability.

CowardlyAcademe: I . . . have you SEEN what other people in the department are doing? What - okay, never mind. Will you be my advisor if I change it?

Professor: No.

CowardlyAcademe: Okay. Can you recommend someone else I can talk to?

Professor: Not until you change your project.

CowardlyAcademe: So . . . I can't write my proposal until I get an advisor, but I can't get an advisor until I write my proposal?

Professor: (Reveals self to be Yog-Sothoth.)

CowardlyAcademe: (Goes mad.)